In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
