When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
My feet surprised me
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize