So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
