Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
my phone needs a breathalizer
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
