I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i will never coherently bang her
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
