i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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