he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
