Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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