Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It's blow job season.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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