Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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