Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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