How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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