So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
