You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
