I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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