why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
