I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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