drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
