you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
