Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
