Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
