Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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