I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
We need to get me chipped asap
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
