3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize