Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
