you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
