Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
