if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
