i don't like sucking hair
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
