I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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