Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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