I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
