As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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