also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
