So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
