how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
