If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
he had hair everywhere except his balls
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
