So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
my being single is dangerous.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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