im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Randomize
