She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
