Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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