yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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