Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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