Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
