Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
