yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
