he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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