I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize