Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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