I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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