Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
