My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
