I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You were trust falling into bushes
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize