If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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