I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
