I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
