I love black thongs
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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