I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
