She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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