It's like a parade of train wrecks.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
There are leaves in my underwear?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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