If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
