...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
