Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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