Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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