just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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