It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
