fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
