Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
