Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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