jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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