It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
