we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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