Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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