Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
