I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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