I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
