I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
