Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
