I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
