i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
my liver is dry heaving
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
