I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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