Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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